Monday, July 19, 2010
Last blogged @ 11:28 PM

Mix feelings~

I have some much questions to ask him. but i am afraid to ask.. i have expect some of the consequences once i start asking him all this questions:

he will be upset, say i am like police asking criminal stuff. he dont like it
he will be angry, do not want talk to me because I am demanding and irritating. he don't like it
he will want to sleep or go home, trying to avoid my questioning and pretend i do not existed.

but does he know why i want to know all this?? because all this are my worries. I do not have any position in his life. i am a nobody to no one. just like an unwanted child.

I don behave this way if only i have the assurance from him that someday somehow he would ask me by my hand to be his steady girlfriend. will the moment come, or just a illusion or a daydream for me to believe? all of this sure to him is what i am demanding for, am i have the right to demand anything coz i am no body to him at all. no right to do this. everyone are afraid their love one betray them to find someone better and prettier. this is my fear. coz i am no body girl friend in the first place. he can know as many girls he likes and go out with someone he like have or crush on i cant do anything. i can only ask and hide in a corner crying.. when will i have the turn to be someone i wish to be. openly announce/proudly say that i am attached, but not thinking that i am single yet going out with a guy for months yet nothing happened.

p.s. if you reading this, i am not saying that i am not unhappy with you but i have many worries here. please understand. i am waiting for your answer, if are ready to be question. if you are not i am ok with it. i have the time. i am willing to compromise if any edges between us. coz i love you. i don mind one sided. i am happy when i  with you. i wan this is to be this way

Labels: LOVES