Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Last blogged @ 11:30 PM

i am 200% piss off. firstly, my presentation for today was like a well for me to jump. i did badly again for my presentation as i am doing the introduction part, i realise i am the one dragging the whole group to get a deduct mark for extended the time of 25mins instead of 20mins for presentation. 5 mins confirmed i'm the one being usin, coz i talked too slow and i am so nervous. maybe i did not hv my lunch that is why. i blame myself and i told yuting about it and she kind of piss off with me. i am so sad. i ran out of the classroom to cry in the toliet and told my BMM teacher to let me leave early (reason: not feeling well) when i came back. after that saw ZC on the way toward the bus stop. At first, i called amanda to tell her about it. coz i want to tell someone about it, how i feel and how the feeling make me want to cry but she did not pick up the phone. so i need to talk. ZC talked me out, made me feel better. but Yuting called me on the bus, and she told me she was sorry about the yelling. then i told her is not her, is me. she told me no one were not blame for the presentation. my tears almost came out, but i did not coz ZC was there. I cried easily, weakness i guess. ZC accompany to long john for me to buy my lunch cum dinner. (take away). rest at home for like an hour plus. no sms from him. =( anyway after that i conduct tuition at 6. came back home shower blah blah blah. Finally, he msg me. instead he did not ask about me first, he ask about the tuition. Ya, i guess he concern about his bro. EMO~ and i noticed he totally forget about my presentation thing like i told him some many times. thought he would ask me how was it. but lucky he did not. coz i do not wan to tell him about it. it was so badly done. i told him that i did badly for my rebate for the debate, and now this. i felt ashamed of myself.

i guess, he do not understand me. I need a guy to be my listening ear even when i say i do not wan to tell him, its mean i want to but i scare he will tink that i am bad or whatever. I know he will not mind, but i feeling sad about how i did even for a small presentation. is like my 3rd year in NP and i am so bad in presentation. if he do wan to know what i wan to tell him, he should not be angry at me for showing him the attitude coz i am the one sad/moody not him at first. cant he put his temper or mood aside first. i guess sometime i think i wan to give up. I wanted to call him to tell him about it. My feeling for him is no longer love i think is something different from the way he treat me since we last fight. I prefer the old him, the way he treat me and call me. Not like now.

I think after his bday, we need to talk.